IPH profile: me & ladies

This is about me and ladies!

Living with another person

After leaving home for university at the age of 18, moving out of the family home shared with six other people, I always lived alone. Early on, I briefly shared student lodgings, but always hated having to share space & facilities with anybody else. I never had a live-in partner. Clearly, I was too much of a loner for any girlfriend to think it was a good idea unilaterally to turn up and move in with me.

An attempt at marriage


Viktoria with me on our wedding day

But in my late 40s I was briefly married — rather too late in life — and my wife lived with me while it lasted (1997..99); but I have been on my own again since then also, and I now know I am best off by myself. I realize with hindsight that I have always found sharing a house with other people stressful, even though I usually didn’t recognize this fact at the time. That is why I live alone now and don’t intend to change that.

For the story of my marriage, see Viktoria and me.

She left without warning one day in May 1999 while I was at work, and we never met up again. I was not expecting it, but I think that the stress on me of living in a house together with somebody else — anybody else — really did not help at all. I have come to the conclusion that I am not suited to spending a lot of time with, or ever living with, anyone else.

Future prospects

None, really. That is not to say that I wouldn’t like to have a lady’s company; but nowadays there are, I gather, many cases of older couples who spend a bit of time together now and then, but who live each in their own homes the rest of the time. Neither wants the hassle of the other always being there. They want to have time on their own, do things on their own, and get together when they really want each other’s company. That might well not be the idea (even if it could work at all) for younger couples or families with children; but with no children it seems a good idea for those like me. I think probably a couple of meetings per week of a few hours together is about tops for me. For some women, no doubt, that would be nothing like enough. They want to go away on holidays together, or go ballroom dancing, or out to meals in restaurants. I can’t stand any of those things. But there are ladies who are very busy perhaps with a job, or (when older and divorced or widowed) with grandchildren, who would love to have the company of a gentleman friend for some intimacy. We shall see.

I have tried out in recent years some dating sites. The problem with these is that they exist to make money by charging exorbitant fees for users sending each other each of many brief text messages, which do not allow web links in them (although some allow photo attachments), and having a “chat” via such a site is very expensive: you can run up a bill of hundreds of pounds in no time if ladies are unwilling to switch to emailing for no charge! The following is some text I put on one such about myself.

I live alone, no ties; all my time my own (once an IT guru, now an artist); wide interests: art, languages*, psycholinguistics, science & philosophy, books, music (classical, jazz, vintage R&B, country ladies). I like conversation, sunshine, heathland & deserted beaches, new era Dr Who, movies, fruit juice & squash.
* I speak fluent French and german, some Russian and Spanish.

Profile

I dislike small talk, bloke talk, cringe comedy, crowds. I absolutely loathe sport, soaps, pop (+loud noise), pop (cola), tea, beer, wine, coffee, pickle, indeed anything sour or bitter like vinegar, tomatoes or capsicums), eggs, fungi, yogurt, cream of any kind, French cheese, culinary invertebrates, indeed almost any kind of foodie food. I don’t have (and have never had, all my lie), any male "mates" & never spent time in pubs; I get on better with cats than dogs but wouldn’t ever have a pet. I live comfortably enough on a minimalist budget (remember I have no money to spend; I don’t get benefits and I don’t have a pension either). But at least I live in my own home & (partly secluded) garden. Oh, yes: I can cook, make good cakes and trifles, use a sewing machine, take care of myself and have done building, carpentry, electrical, plumbing --- indeed just about everything for which other people invoke tradespeople (except gas) --- but not for amusement and not or other people except in a dire emergency.

Oh, and I am in the top 1% (of the population) in IQ, which merely means among the 600,000 cleverest people in the UK so there are plenty of others around; and I don’t last very long with anyone who isn’t pretty much equally clever --- and like me in ideas: equally empiricist and free (that means devoid) of beliefs, of superstitions, of credulity about the so-called paranormal, of the property people who believe in it often describe as "spirituality", and so on. If, after that, you are still interested, you might just appreciate and therefore be searching for my kind of pensée provocateuse ...